The Taste of Bitterness

You have the right to judge, only if you are smarter than God. – Dr. James Richards

There have been many moments in my life where times of worship led me to a new understanding.

On one particular day - I found myself wrestling with prayer because the frustration I was feeling in my soul was not something I had words for. I transitioned into grabbing my guitar and simply strumming through a few chords and began singing to the Lord as best I could, making attempts at sharing my heart with Him.

It was in this moment that God got into my expression and these words flowed from my mouth:

“Even in a dry and weary land, Your living water flows within.

I will not drink from the hand of bitterness

For Your living water will be my witness.”

To give context to this season of my life, I was serving at a church that I knew was a temporary setting for me but as time progressed, I felt trapped. I did not know how to leave a ministry. And even though I had accepted this position on the grounds of it being temporary - somewhere along the way the lines got blurred. A six-month commitment turned into several years with expectations that were greater than I originally agreed to. I was drowning in a people-pleasers guilt. Never wanting to say no but also not having the bandwidth to spare as a young mother and wife that was desperately attempting to juggle responsibilities and needs.

Painful words were spoken to me during this season. The truth is I had so many opportunities to choose bitterness. I had so many days, weeks, and even months of being misunderstood. And that is when this understanding formed in just a single moment from a time of worship.

Jesus was being led to the cross, mocked, falsely accused, every belonging was being stripped away, and His very identity was being questioned in front of everyone that once believed Him. The accusations escalated. He was physically beaten, spat on, and a crown of thorns was then forcibly crushed into His scalp. It was then, in the midst of these actions against Him, that He was offered a drink. Cool water may have sounded like a kindness at that moment.

The shouts of the people quieted for a moment and those that mocked him hurriedly parted to make way for the cup to reach Him. Jesus leaned forward, came close, and pressed the cup against his lips, only to be met with the taste of bitter wine.

He tasted of the bitterness and then rejected it. He did not drink the cup of bitterness.

Jesus modeled to us in that moment, that in the midst of our suffering, we can reject bitterness even if it is attached to true injustice.

The truth is that when people act against you, whether their actions against you were intentional or unintentional if there has been a smearing of your character or a misrepresentation of you– your heart will most likely taste bitterness against them – but you can reject it.

Having the initial hurt is impossible to stop with most injustices we experience. Where the difference lies is in our rejection of savoring that hurt to the point of bitterness. We are releasing our right or position of judging them for what they have done. Because we give that right over to the Father.

The truth is I struggled just experiencing the taste of bitterness, I thought how could this be! This isn’t me; I don’t want this taste in my mouth. It brought me so much freedom to know there is a difference between tasting bitterness rather than savoring it and feasting on it. It is impossible to go through life without opportunities to be bitter presenting themselves.

Jesus Himself said, “It is impossible that no offenses should come,” in Luke 17:1.

Being hurt by someone or something does not mean you are weak or immature.

It's actually an invitation to be and see the world more like Jesus.

Pain of any kind is the greatest gateway to growth that I have ever known in this life.

It also gives a whole new depth of meaning to Jesus’s words which came just moments after he had been offered this cup of bitterness, while hanging on the cross when He said, “Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34b). When we have this freedom from the judgment of others, we are able to release and pray these words over those that have harmed us or misrepresented us to others.

We can experience freedom from those that misjudged us because we recognize that we ultimately are accountable to that which is within us – His Holy Spirit.

This truth is forever.

Whether it’s serving at church.

Experiencing difficulty in your marriage.

Unwanted challenges you never expected to face.

Family members not understanding why you did something or chose a certain path in life.

The list is endless.

We all have areas in life that are primed for misunderstanding.

We all have had people cast judgment and call it wisdom. And if we are honest, we have at times done so ourselves. Often things are not so black and white. In the end, my situation resulted in grace and forgiveness that led to good relationship, and unity that remains to this very day. When we find greater reliance on the Holy Spirit, we give up not only other people’s judgments of us, but our need to judge others as well. Talk about true freedom!

I pray that as you encounter situations in life that cause just the taste of bitterness to enter your lips, that it would be confronted with a mouth that is filled with the Words of life that kill and stomp out any form of wickedness that this world has to offer.

Bitterness and resentment cannot settle in a heart that is already filled with the knowledge of who it is in Christ.